Are you a dad or a father? A dad
is someone who not only physically helped to create the life of
a child, but also supports that child with the basic necessities
(food, clothing and shelter) and provides guidance and advice to
see his child through life.
A dad demonstrates that he loves
his children by interacting with them daily, letting them know
that they're a priority and that they give purpose to his life.
Yes, it's far easier to be a father than a dad. The level of
personal commitment that our kids require is challenging,
sometimes even overwhelming.
Career Builders' annual
Father's Day survey found that 37% of working dads would
leave their jobs if their spouse or partner made enough money to
support the family. If given the choice, another 38% would take
a pay-cut to spend more time with their kids.
FathersAtWork.com reports that
70% of working fathers have a difficult time balancing their
professional and personal responsibilities.
When we became parents, we made
a life decision that carries more responsibility than any other.
Yet, it's easy far too easy to get caught up in work and the
rest of our lives, relegating our children to a lower priority.
We don't want to admit this because in our hearts, our family
comes first. But actions speak louder than words.
What can you do today to be
a better dad?
1. Check in with your family
during the day. If the kids are at school, arrange for them
to call you when they get home. Spending just a few unhurried
minutes on the phone after school demonstrates that you care
about what's happening in their lives.
2. Spend time each day, just
hanging out and giving your children your undivided attention.
Listen to their ideas. Get to know who's important to them and
why. But you can't do this while distracted. Step away from your
email and cell phone and use this time to build your
relationship with your kids.
3. Make time at least once a
week to have some fun together. Each stage of your child's
life presents a new opportunity. Take turns picking the week's
activity. When your kids are young, the whole family might enjoy
weekly trips to the park. As they grow, their idea of what's fun
will get a little more sophisticated. The important thing is to
enjoy the process with them.
4. Talk and teach your
positive values. Never assume that your kids will pick up
your values strictly through osmosis. Wherever appropriate, tell
them why you feel the way you do. And yes, model those values
that you want your children to adopt.
5. Balance boundary
enforcement and support. When you come home from work and
find mandatory chores undone, how do you react? Is there a
natural consequence that fits the "crime?" More importantly,
should your first interaction of the day be one of boundary
enforcement? How was his or her day at school? What joys or
difficulties is your child facing? Be interested in your child
before cracking the whip on chores!
6. Special tip for married
dads: Nurture your marital relationship. For one thing, your
children will grow up and move out of the house someday. But
right now, you're setting an example for you children. Boys
learn how to treat a girl by watching how dad interacts with
mom. Girls set their expectations of how they will be treated in
the same way. Show them what real love looks like so that
they'll recognize it for themselves when they're older.
Finally, cut yourself some
slack. Nobody's perfect. Having read this far means that you
care about being a great dad. Simply commit to doing your best,
then relax. When you fall down, just make sure you get back up
again ... and keep trying. Sometimes "good enough" is plenty.
