One of the fastest ways to
increase your energy is to eliminate everything you tolerate.
Tolerations are things you put up with, bear, and endure. They
range from something as small as a leaky faucet to something as
significant as your children treating you disrespectfully.
Tolerations drain your energy. Tolerations block the sunshine.
"The ability to
simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the
necessary can speak" Hans Hoffman
This quote pretty much says it
all. To live your best life you've got to eliminate everything
standing in your way. So let's get started!
Step 1: Identify Your
Tolerations Here are some general categories of things
you might be tolerating. They can be routine or more serious.
Tolerations are things:
- You're putting up with
- You don't you like about
your life or work
- That irritate you
- That make you angry
- That need to be fixed
Tolerations aren't always "in
your face". Sometimes you don't realize what you're tolerating
until something happens. Luisa worked for a large Oil and Gas
company. She basically had an office at home and as well as the
"office". Even on weekends she answered email and phone calls.
On vacations she checked messages and respond to "emergencies".
One night, she finished a report, turned off her computer and
heard a little girl singing the most beautiful song. It sounded
like someone on Broadway. She figured the kids were watching TV.
But when the song ended, her husband and sons shouted "Bravo"
and clapped. Luisa ran downstairs. Her daughter wore a frilly
white dress and bowed low before the boys. She'd been taking
singing lessons and had a concert that night. No one had told
Luisa because she'd been "swamped". She really didn't have the
time. Luisa was devastated. She'd known she was sacrificing
parts of her family life...but this, this was her wake-up call.
She'd been tolerating a lack of division between work and
personal life. It took some time and a number of trips back to
the drawing board when she was able to establish acceptable
boundaries with her company and live a more balanced life. But
her first step was identifying the toleration. A lot of times
when you get organized, you focus on what you do want. Looking
at tolerations is a different approach...looking at what you
don't want. Now, go ahead and list all of your tolerations. You
may have 200, you may have 50. Sometimes, like in Luisa's case,
your tolerations might be hidden. So, if you have trouble, just
go back one day or look at everything that has happened since
you got out of bed.
Step 2: Zap Your
Tolerations
"Our life is frittered
away by detail...Simplify, simplify" Henry David Thoreau
Imagine you're a hot air
balloon and that each thing you tolerate is a weight on the
balloon. Eliminate a toleration and you're lighter. Zap all of
them and you break free to fly. When you eliminate your
tolerations you're going to free up an incredible amount of
energy. The fastest way to double your sustainable energy is to
drop a weight from the balloon... eliminate a toleration. Before
you zap your tolerations, look at your list. Notice how some
things you're tolerating will be much easier to take care of
than others? For example, let's look at five possible
tolerations:
- I'm not happy with my hair
- My partner constantly
loses things
- I'm tired of the color of
my house
- My office is cluttered, my
desk is overwhelmed with paper
- I'm invaded by
telemarketing calls
To get momentum, have more
energy and feel more powerful, it's best to organize your list
from easiest to hardest and start with the easiest. In this
example, you might rearrange the list to:
- I'm not happy with my hair
- I'm invaded by
telemarketing calls
- My desk is overwhelmed
with paper
- I'm tired of the color of
my house
- My partner constantly
loses things
Now that your list is
organized, start with the easiest and begin to eliminate every
single toleration. Using the five examples, let's look at five
approaches:
1. Do it yourself.
You probably don't have the skill to style your hair. But, if
you're physically able, you could, paint your house. You can
definitely organize your office.
2. Get someone else to
do it. Or, as the joke goes, "throw money at it". If
you've got the money, this is the fastest and easiest way to
eliminate many tolerations. Find a master stylist for you hair.
Pick out a paint color and call the painters. Hire a
professional organizer to work on your office.
3. Get rid of it.
There's a joke, the best two days of a boat owner's life are the
day he buys it and the day he sells it. There are so many things
we do that don't really matter and no one cares about. As we get
rid of things we create energy for the things that matter. One
of my clients continued to attend meetings at a professional
association that no longer met his needs. After he identified it
as a toleration, he quit. Another client hates yard work. She
bought a condo. In our example list, while you could "get rid"
of everything you're tolerating, you probably don't want to
shave your head, sell the house, throw everything in the office
into the garbage and get a divorce. The invasive calls are
another story. Sign up with the National Do Not Call Registry
and you won't receive telemarketing calls at home. However, the
registry doesn't include charitable foundations. Therefore the
second step to getting rid of this toleration is Caller ID.
4. Find something good
in it. (internal/intangible) Head Zap Notice how the
first three approaches were tangible? You or someone else
actually takes action. With the "Head Zap" approach it's all
about changing the way you look at it. Make a few twists and
turns with your hair, add barrettes, etc. for a different
perspective. Spend some time reconsidering the color of your
house. Did you love it years ago? Maybe you can love it again.
Play around with different ideas and you'll find your answer.
5. Accept it.
(internal/intangible) Head Zap I was playing bridge
with a group of friends and I posed the question..."What are you
tolerating in your life that you have decided to accept rather
than change?" Every answer had something to do with a husband! I
shouldn't have been surprised because in any long-term
relationship we accept things about our partner. The key to
accepting a toleration without allowing it to drain our energy
is to stop reacting. For example, a client whose husband can't
find things chooses not to participate in his drama. When he
loses something she doesn't react and he deals with the
situation himself (they've been happily married for 38 years).
Step 3: Make the
Commitment The bottom line is that you don't want to
give any of your precious energy toward living with tolerations.
As simple as it sounds, this is a proven way to increase both
the clarity in your life and your energy, to feel
more powerful and ultimately open up the space to live
Your Life, Your Way. Like the quote at the beginning said, to
allow the necessary to speak. So make the commitment to
eliminate every single toleration!
